The Past

I don't really know where to start?


It seems to me when I look back over my life up to this point; all my anger, bitterness and sadness surrounds how I look @ myself. I have always looked @ myself as not good enough because I have always weighed a little more than the girls that were my age growing up. I was the girl that would be in the corner not talking to many people 9only to my own group of friends) because I was scared to open up to people in case other people would like me I guess. My parents always took that as oh it's okay Anne is just shy. In fact, it was a prison I kept myself in, so that others would never really be able to know me. Because if people liked me I may have to like myself.


As time went on, I have lost a lot of things in life, I went through a couple relationships that all ended badly, my Mom died which left me feeling completely abandoned and some other family issues. None the less from all of this the anger grew and grew. I went to confession during a time when all of this was going on because I was fighting this internal anger that was just ripping me apart and the confessor said to me, time and time again when I came to confession, all my issues seemed to be rooted in anger. The question is... what is it that makes you so angry? What is it in your life, lifestyle etc... that is the root of this anger. With that.... I discovered, the anger was me. I was angry @ myself for limiting myself. For allowing myself to be over weight so that I could enable myself to feel bad about my image. I know a lot of may sound familiar to many. But what is it in you that keeps you back from truly being happy? Not just okay but truly happy?


With this I joined Nubody's (now GoodLife) and I started working out. I lost 40 lbs in about a year. Since then I have gained 17lbs of it back and I feel that anguish and disgust with myself that I felt before so I am on a mission to loose another 40lbs. This time I am going to have to work very hard because motivating myself to get to the gym has been very hard lately. A girl that I work with has lost well over 100lbs and has been a huge inspiration to me. She's looks great and she encourages me to stay the good course. My boyfriend Anthony has also been great. He loves me no matter what and is truly my best friend.


With all of this my goal is 40lbs and I am hoping to be a good example to those I work with and my loved ones. With the increasing incidence of hypertension and diabetes now is the time to realize that to sit around and do nothing for your body is asking for a life filled with health problems. We only live once try to live it to the best.


My challenge to those who are reading is to figure out in you what it is that you can do to be happy and love yourself!!! ♥